I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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