woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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