Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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