babies were throwing up all over the place
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize