Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
