Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
