I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
