So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
