Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
