Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
