Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
