I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How naked do you want me to be?
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