Can i not drive my cunt home
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize