I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
