can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
