we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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