Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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