two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
