He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
