speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
