Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
