doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
