Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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