Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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