I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
