You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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