i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize