watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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