Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
