he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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