we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
