Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
