I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
