May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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