You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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