Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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