I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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