So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
