drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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