you traded sex for a burrito?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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