so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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