and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
zippers are such a cool invention
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
