Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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