Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
