she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize