shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
