Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
