my room smells like sperm. sweet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
