we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
