yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
