I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
