Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
