I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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