who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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