So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
