So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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