I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
