Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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