What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
